The Best Substitute for Experience is Being Fifteen – Day 264

February 22, 2011 4 Comments


365 Days to a Balanced Life Journey – Day 264



Quote of the Day

“Adolescence is perhaps nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.”  – Karen Savage and Patricia Adams, The Good Stepmother

There are many advantages to having children when you are younger.  It is becoming increasingly clear to me that women of menopausal age and girls of 15 should not live together without armed guards.  I watch in horror as my 15 year old daughter becomes more and more like a 15 year old.  In other words, normal.  I have joked with people that it’s a good thing that I am not on “red alert” menopause at the same time she is on “red alert” teenage girl hormones.  Well,  the inevitable happened today.  She curled her lip and used that “tone” that all teenage girls have  perfected just at the time I felt a hot flash coming on. 

It is the disrespect that is shown that really sets me off on a rant.  In fairness,  my rage was fueled by the knowledge that this is reserved for dear old mom and step dad, as I know she is not like this with dear old dad and step mom .  At times like this I cannot seem to resist the immature and destructive “If you think it is so painful to live with us why don’t you live with them? Clearly you respect them more”.  Hmmm, come to think of it, menopausal women may just be 15 year old girls with more life experience!

There are never winners in these situations.  On these rare occasion where hormone meets hormone there is a momentary flare up, holding back of tears (sometimes) and then we go into our respective corners with a stiff upper lip and a secret vow to make the other pay for their transgression (It is moments like these that I almost believe that my husband is right when he says teenagers are God’s punishment for having sex).

The events over the last 5 months have changed the dynamics of our relationship greatly.  First serious boyfriend (hers not mine :)), 7 week boarding school exchange in New Zealand and now we have had our exchange student here for 6 weeks.

My daughter  is chomping at the bit to get out into the world and I’m trying to hold her back as she is my last one to leave the nest (and we all know the emotions around this issue).  Clearly, we have not had enough time together and life has just become a routine of school and a closed bedroom door.  I know she’s in there as I can hear her laughing on the phone with her friends (it’s good to know she still has her great sense of humour). 

Thankfully we had a strong relationship before Hurricane Hormone hit town and I am confident we will again.  I am looking forward to two weeks in Hawaii next month with her alone so that we can do a little relationship repair (I’m hoping both of us return from this trip :)).

So for all you gals out there thinking of waiting until your late thirties/early forties, make sure you consider the stamina and patience you will need to get these precious gifts that are our children, through this stage of their lives. 

Having said all this, I wouldn’t change a hair on her head.  If I had not waited to have her she would not be the wonderful human being that she is.  At least we can agree that we can both be thankful that in my old age she won’t be going through menopause when it is her turn to look after me like I am with my mom.  I don’t remember them teaching us all this in family planning!!!

4 Comments to “The Best Substitute for Experience is Being Fifteen – Day 264”
  1. Lindsay says:

    Hey Roneen: We are right there with you! Except that we have a 16 year old girl and a 19 year old girl. Two at once – imagine! I love going to work:)

  2. rachel says:

    oh roneen this made me lllauugh.
    russ sat today with a current picture of kali and a picture of her at five or so and ranted about how the current was ‘so wrong’ and pointing at the young photo with a ‘that’s kali.’
    it struck russ and he’s barely been able to see her!

    i have nothing insightful to state but i really enjoyed reading this and i think the fact you paralleled your hormones with hers shows at the very least, you’re not blind and are more understanding than the average person.

  3. BillW says:

    Hope you and yours are well.

    Oh it only starts at 15. 20 is not much better.
    Willful refusal, condescension (duh) and dismissive attitude are not disrespect but ever burgeoning self awareness.
    Try to review past episodes and see if you can see what she is reacting to.

    Getting to the point where you realize that your “helpfulness” and “giving” is viewed as “control” or your “duty” doesn’t help but it can lead you to wait to be asked for advise and planning rather than pushing it.

  4. Roneen says:

    I hear ya Bill. Speak when spoken to that’s my new motto!

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