What am I Doing Here? – Day 130

October 9, 2010 1 Comment


365 Days to a Balanced Life Journey – Day 130


Quote of the Day

“My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” – Ashleigh Brilliant


Here I am in Australia with 5 weeks stretching before me to do absolutely anything I want and I have to admit I am a little paralyzed.  I keep telling myself it is the jetlag; however I think it is something deeper than that.  Even though I experienced a rush of freedom while walking through the Melbourne Airport 3 days ago, I am starting to wonder if this whole “being alone thing” is overrated.  Just as I am wandering around in Melbourne like a lost puppy I know my husband is also trying to “feel normal” wandering around Vancouver by himself.  We are both implementing new routines into our lives and are determined to make the most of this opportunity for change but I know we both feel a little lost.  That in itself is a good thing.  I think if one or both of us was feeling relief and a “yippee” feeling about being apart, we might be facing a bigger separation in the future (don’t panic honey) :)

One of my goals here is to start a book.  It is for that reason I chose to stay in a “serviced apartment” rather than a hotel.  I want to be able to make my own healthy food, workout and write.  So far the writing hasn’t happened.  I keep thinking I should be out exploring Melbourne not sitting in this crappy apartment writing.  This is typical of the constant struggle I have in my head.  I want to be alone but then I don’t really want to be alone.  I want to be only responsible for myself and yet I miss doing things for my family.  I don’t want to feel obligated to communicate with anyone and yet I’m constantly checking my emails. 

When we decided that I was making this trip we knew it was going to be an opportunity for me to take a break from family responsibilities so that I could write and for Jack to learn to live alone and be less dependent on me for everyday needs and decisions.  It is also a great opportunity for us to change how we communicate with each other.  For this reason Jack and I have decided not to talk on the phone for this entire period.  This will give us a chance not to respond to a tone or a look or a blurted out statement.  We want to use this time to really listen to each other again and not get sidetracked with reactions.   We have become lazy and impatient with our communication so focusing on the quality of what we say and being able to practice restraint is extremely important to enable us to have healthier and more meaningful communication. Another exchange of old habit for new habit.

Poor Jack.  Ever since I undertook this project of 365 Days to a Balanced Life last June, he has become my own personal little lab rat.  He seems to be doing it willingly and with a good attitude and always with unconditional support and love.  That is definitely something I could learn from him.

One Comments to “What am I Doing Here? – Day 130”
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